Archive for July, 2008

20
Jul
08

Financing a slurpee

First thing I did on Tuesday was, went down to 7-Eleven and financed a Slurpee… Why?… cause I didn’t have the money to pay for it of course… Why you ask?… Very simple… LAS VEGAS, Baby!!… It was quite possibly the greatest weekend of my life. Wild. It all started with our plane being delayed a couple hours… not too big of a deal. When we got there though it was instantly worth it. We were staying at Mandalay Bay, which I highly recommend. They have nice rooms, nice pool. The downside was that it was on one end of the strip, so quite a hike… tram passes saved our lives.

This was the view from Dan and Erica’s room on the 30th floor. And life was good.

To be quite honest it is hard to recollect exactly what happend on the trip, but I will do my best. Friday we arrived from our plane ride, and checked into our rooms… awesome… then we ate dinner… awesome… then we hit the casinos… awesome… then we hiked six or eight blocks to buy beer from a little market for way too much money… awesome (the next day we found out there was a market half a block from our hotel… oops). But all was good. Partied the night away. The next day I woke up from my hangover… and no-one else was up… so I went to the pool. The pools were nice there was a couple regular pools… then they had a wave pool, that was cool, but basically made for small children… small waves… then there was the lazy river… that flowed in a circle… but you weren’t allowed to have drinks in the pool. Then I went back to the room… we went and got breakfast… then went back to the pools… we left there at about noon and hit the sites/casinos… we saw a bunch of the hotels… we walked half way down the strip and got tram tickets… made it to circus circus the whole time looking for a veil for Erica… cause she was getting married the next day… finally at circus circus we found a bridal shop, but they were closed… on the far end of the strip, the casinos are shadier, and the beers are cheaper… we gamble away for a little while, have ourselves a good time, then head back to the hotel… with plans to stop at the Belagio on the way…. we are cruizing right along… I picked up a sweet red goblet glass at the Sahara… and I am drinking beer out of it, I am feeling fairly inebriated… but not bad… the next thing I notice is that I am in Coyote Ugly, at the Excaliber. I turn to my friends, and start my detective work, “Hey, uh, I mean I’m not too worried about this and it is cool and all, but… how did I get here?… I thought we were going back to the hotel?”… appearently my memory gap was about three hours long… we had gone to the Belagio, and back to the hotel… I had passed out on Dan and Erica’s bed, they had played games of slaping me and drawing crude things on my face… then finally got me to wake up and go back to my room… for another little nap… then they woke me up and we went back to the Excalibur…

So there I was… I was dancing… (awesomely as I remember… I’m sure it looked great… one of the bartenders offered to pour liquor in my mouth… it turned out to taste like fruit punch, and the stopper in the bottle wasn’t in right and she spilt it all over the front of my white shirt… cool… then we went back to the casino floor… and there were these go go dancers at the roullette tables… or were they black jack tables… well anyway there were go go dancers… and one of them was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen… I looked at here and smiled… she smiled back…. so of course… I asked her to marry me… turns out she was already married… but I had to try… so we cruised around… saw some Canadian girls that tried to poke Jon’s eye out… then we went back to the room… and slept while The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly played on the T.V. I then woke up at noon… we ate breakfast, while Dan and Erica ran down to Circus Circus for a veil… the it was time to shower, iron clothes, then the limo showed up to take us to the Graceland Chapel…

Then we went to old towne Freemont street… had a great time… everyone was drinking, but I don’t remember it ever being out of control….

Then we went back to the hotel room… and the girls went to sleep… but that town was hoppin’… so us guys were left with no choice but to go out and experience Las Vegas proper… last night there… so we went to ummmm…. clubs all night… made it back just in time to get showers… hit the slots… and catch our shuttle to the airport… we were just Jazzed and chock full of energy….. well kinda…

And we got home safe and sound… everyone broke… but everyone alive and not in jail… so I consider that a win… all in all… a great trip.

Memorable Fuzzy Moments:

Very audibly telling drug dealer that “No, I DON’T WANT ANY CRANK” apparently he had asked if I wanted coke… but I misunderstood.

Oh, Las Vegas… I have so many amazing stories that I can never tell…

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19
Jul
08

Hero To Zero: The Danny Ray Cyrus Story

Rat On a Cheetah Films just completed another hit video. It was pretty much Dan’s idea… and a good one at that. As usual there was no script written out before hand so everybody pretty much adlibbed their lines or at least adlibbed them on the take before… and considering that I am impressed with how it turned out.

Rat on a Cheetah Films

A Whiskey Dick’s Production

Starring: Dan Alden, Erica Alden, Boston Bean Alden, Aaron Todd Alden Esq., Matt Alden, Tim Alden, Scott Lewis, Tasha Lewis, and Jesse Fu$*ing Smith

Warning: This Video Contains Excessive Use Of Obscenities, and it is very loud.

the video is at : http://www.funnyordie.com/aarontoddalden

I am still trying to figure out what happened in Vegas, and just how to explain it. So maybe someday you can read about that… but for now you get this.

06
Jul
08

I don’t know why….

I just wrote a short play… I don’t know why… I was just watching a video on Funny or Die and it wasn’t even really related to this, but this idea struck me funny… I don’t know where it came from… but I just started writing and this is what I got… I don’t know what I will do with it… it doesn’t have a strong finish… if anyone has any suggestions…feel free to chime in.

Between a Man and Woman

Phone rings… man picks it up

Man: Hello?

Woman: We need to talk, can we meet for dinner?

Man:… yeah, sure.

They set up time and place… whatever.

They are at restaurant.

Man: So what is this about?

Woman: Well, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.

Man: But, we aren’t even dating… we are just friends.

Woman: Yeah, but I just can’t do this anymore.

Man: Listen, we don’t have to break up.

Woman: No, I think we do… I just can’t take it anymore.

Man: No, I mean we aren’t dating. We don’t have to break up. If you don’t want to be friends all you have to do is stop hanging out with me. I mean, I don’t even know your phone number… you are the one who calls to hang out with me…

Woman: Exactly my point. I don’t think you are putting enough effort in to this relationship.

Man: What relationship? We are just friends.

Woman: Not any more.

Man: (confused, but playing along) O.K. well that’s fine. I guess we won’t hang out anymore.

Woman: I’m glad you are taking this well.

Man: Uh, yeah, well I’m gonna get going.

Woman: O.K. well, do you want to go to the zoo tomorrow?

Man:…

Woman: I thought you liked the zoo?

Man: Well yeah I like the zoo, but why would we hang out together if we aren’t friends?

Woman: Well I didn’t mean that we’d go as friends… I just thought… you know… we could go as strangers, or something… I mean… we can still be strangers right?

The End.

That is what I got… weird eh? Sometimes I creep myself out… what a freak.