Two Birds with one stone…. sort of…

So my mom’s truck is broken down….. and she needs to get over to my grandmother’s….so the decent person that I am…. I give her a ride… right?…. this is not important to my story but I thought it might work as a character reference for people who don’t know me…. and it sets up the back-story…. to the incident….

I am driving along, with my mom. Ahead of me I see a bird fly up and land right in the middle of my lane. Thinking this is funny and past experience with birds in the road, I say, “Say good-bye, Bird.” Then I don’t slow down, and I don’t swerve…. because from past experience I know the bird will move…. I get closer, and closer, and time slows down, almost to a stop as I realize too late, that the bird is not paying attention to the bright red honda, carrying myself, my mother, and appearently the grim reaper. It attempts to fly, but doesn’t even make it above my bumper. THUD.

My mom, in shock, says “I can’t believe you just hit that little bird!” And I’m like, “I know it looks bad, I never should have said…” and out of the corner of my eye I see a bird, coming in fast from my right…… and it flies right into my bumper….. “what the hell is going on???” I say, as my mom is berating my for the death of yet another bird.

I totally gave up trying to defend myself…. there is not one court in this country… or even in the most bird hatin’ist country in the world….. that would not convict me of two counts of vehicular birdslaughter… if not one count of birdslaughter and another of premeditated avianicide.

“Then I heard him say, ‘Say good-bye, bird!’ right before he killed the first one.”

“Well I think we’ve heard enough…. well lets not waste any time…. I say, Hang the Bastard!!!.”

and I’m like, “Thanks, Judge where’s my fair trial?”

and He’s like, “Fair trials are for Human Beings…with souls…. now, off to the gallows!!”

…Ridiculous… tow birds? If I’m completely honest that brings my bird count up to four….. a pigeon on the freeway two years ago, Central Point, OR…. a blackbird last year, out by Wimer, OR….. The blackbird I hit with the lumber rack on my truck then it fell and got caught…. just for a second… on the window….. and I swear it looked at me…. right before it disappeared from my sight.


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